thisrockispunk

Latest Posts by thisrockispunk

We used to go to wars! We used to be warriors! Now look at us. My feet is going to bruise cause an empty Tupperware box happened to fall on it.

unfortunate news being aroace does not give you immunity against yearning . sorry. i know . i was disappointed to learn it too

It's easier to accept that you're aromantic once you understand that what you want isn't romance per se and it's really the companionship that appeals to you. I never actually liked the thought of being in a relationship but I liked the thought of being important to someone

ITS MY FAVOURITE ALBUM’S BIRTHDAY🥳

hozier’s wasteland, baby! is like

call it forever, call me love and say it’s done, say its over. i will drink it all in and reciprocate best i know because ultimately i am cursed with this ability to love and hence doomed for love and its decisive pain.

No. it wasn’t the “gods” or “fate” that deemed it so, it was love. Love™️ is stronger than you.

haunted house uquiz by streetlighthalo

in other news, i have a deadline to meet so i’m going to the library to check which prophecy it was that truly doomed me

i have a runny nose so im gonna stop by the pharmacy and pick up a curved greatsword to behead myself with

First he ran away from Alex

then towards him...

everyone that watched Red White and Royal Blue and was fuming because its so different from the book, i highly recommend giving it another watch.

i know there are so many beloved things missing in the movie but it is without a doubt, an EXCELLENT movie and a second watch will prove that to you.

a comic about love and friendship and the power of communication, inspired by that time i heard ask by the smiths on my run and was somehow moved to tears

(i misheard 'the bomb' as 'the bond' but i stand by it. i don't value morrissey enough to respect his authorial intent)

(sensitive wolf fans smash that mf like button!!!!)

so you're anthony j. crowley, long-time exile from heaven and recent exile from hell, and you've finally figured out that the mess of overwhelming and infuriating and intoxicating feelings you've been harboring for the only being in the universe you've ever been able to rely on might, whoopsies, be something a little bit like love. but not love the way you remember heaven loved you, or the way they told you god loved you (they lied), but love like the humans do it: messy, and awkward, and incongruously infinite, and so, so fragile.

and, well. okay, you think. this'll be horrible. embarrassing for both of us, probably. but i'll tell him. you've never been a coward, no matter what the other demons might say. screw your courage to the sticking place, or whatever. macbeth. aziraphale loved that one.

so you talk yourself into it, you gather every scrap of courage and honesty you've got left, and you say, all right, angel, i've got something to say, only aziraphale's got something to say, too, and--

aziraphale doesn't love you back.

or. he does, but he loves the ghost of the angel you used to be, not the person you've made yourself since. he loves you, but he loves you like god did--loves you good, and quiet, and dull. he loves you without your grief, or your anger, without even that first bite of the apple. he wants you like that again, he says. defanged, like the Antichrist's domesticated hellhound.

(you worked for hell for a long time, and for god for a long time before that. you're intimately familiar with what it is to offer someone everything they've ever wanted, and then to twist it, to mutilate it, into an unrecognizable hell of their own choosing. you're not sure why it surprises you anymore. you're not sure why you keep letting the surprises hurt.)

and so you do the thing you've done since the beginning, because you've never been able to stop yourself: you push. you push hard, and you grab him, and he's so angry and you kiss him and you don't think about it, don't think about it, this is the most important temptation of your life, the only one that's ever mattered--

and he forgives you.

so you leave. at least that way you can do it before he does. you've always been a step ahead and to the left; stupid to think this would ever be different. stupid to think he might choose you, with all of heaven and earth spread out in front of him. nothing lasts forever, not even the stars.

he told you that a long time ago.

God. I. I absolutely cannot sleep. And it’s nearly morning.

GOD.

Aziraphale, no.

Aziraphale. You are being manipulated. You are being showered with praise and acceptance that you have never received before, not like this. You are being told that you did extremely well, that you are the best of the best. This is *deliberate*. Metatron has never been on your side, he is telling you exactly what you want to hear. What you’ve been craving for the last four years, and for the six thousand years prior.

But they have plans for you, Aziraphale. They want you Upstairs so that you could do exactly what they need.

Aziraphale, stop.

(I’ll have to rewatch this. Have to collect the instances where Aziraphale is looking for approval. Fiercely hoping for approval. Throughout history, yes, and recently, too: those telephone calls after the Armageddon’t where he wanted Crowley to witness the good he’d s been doing. That burning need to tell someone that he did well and to hear it acknowledged.

Oh, Aziraphale is not at all taking his retirement from Heaven well.)

GOD.

You know what, I think Aziraphale is absolutely coming undone by the end. That process is certainly in full swing by the ball.

Because seriously.

The ball. The absolute fabulous madness of it. The drapery. The chandelier. Aziraphale going all-out with the miracles, retreating to the safety of Jane Austen where things go right and love prevails.

(Inviting Crowley to dance, too. Pulling him by the hand.)

Notice, too, Aziraphale’s desperate insistence that things cannot possibly be as bad as Crowley thinks they are. What a level of denial. Everything is fine, he is telling himself. Everything will be fine. I’m setting everything up perfectly to explain the big miracle, to avoid the existential threat we are both facing. We will be fine, nothing will really have to change, and I will still have Crowley.

(Oh, the vehemence. Close your eyes and pretend you are in another century. Don’t open them. Do not open them. Everything is fine.)

And—

Aziraphale is not handling retirement from Heaven well, but that’s only one of the things that are happening, isn’t it.

The danger to both of them is real. Crowley, too, is under existential threat (which Shax has helpfully reminds Aziraphale of, of course she does). They are not safe; they will never be safe while they are exiles, while Heaven and Hell can threaten both of them on a whim, while shining archangels can drop by at any point.

So what Metatron is offering at the very end is the power to do good and be appreciated, but also safety. You can be safe, he promises, your demon can be safe. You can even be with him, just as you are now—except you won’t be powerless against the rest of the world.

You won’t have to be fugitives, not any more. Not like you are now.

(It’s a lie. We know it’s a lie.

And Metatron must know full well that Crowley would never accept the terms as stated.)

They witness another thing, of course. Gabe and Beez. Their happily-ever-after.

There in the moment, Crowley is probably looking at them and thinking: we could do this. We could go off together. Yes?

Except this kind of a happy ending, Gabe and Beez being left alone but exiled, wouldn’t be a happy ending for Aziraphale and Crowley.

They’ve been in this exact place before. “We can go off together!”

And as before, this won’t work.

They have the Earth. They care about the Earth a lot, both of them. Aziraphale wants to win approval, yes, but he also very sincerely wants to make things better, to do what’s right, to be the change. And he wants, too, to win safety for him and Crowley. Wants them to be together, side by side; wants that to be allowed.

Wants them to do the right thing together. To have the power to do the right thing.

And everything they have built together falls apart.

(Angel.

Fucking Hell.

Stop the elevator between the floors. Get out. Get the fuck out. Get back.

Angel. You haven’t even seen what Crowley has seen in Heaven. What they were planning. What they need you for.

Angel.

NOT. LIKE. THAT.)

this is so succinctly put, i am in AWE of OP

So there's a lot to unpack here but I want to start by talking about the ending and specifically about the Metatron and the calculating moves made at the end of episode 6.

Every single piece of what happened there was a manipulation technique being employed against Aziraphale to an almost brilliant degree and I'm honestly a little obsessed with what this says about the Metatron in particular.

Let's go in order.

First of all. We see him order coffee. In a human body. Something sweet and sugary. He talks to Nina and asks her about her shop name. Does anyone ever ask for death? And when she tells him no they don't his response is to say "so predictable". Our introduction to him here even when everything about him reads like a sweet old man is presented to show us someone who reads the world in terms of being predictable to him.

He then shows up in the middle of Aziraphale's existence being threatened. He immediately cuts down the threat's authority (using outdated language like Az himself would favor) and reemphasizes his own connection to Heaven. When Michael doesn't recognize him and he puts her down and then directly engages Crowley. Crowley who, to Aziraphale, has for centuries at a minimum been someone he thinks is smarter, better, more Good than these other archangels. The Metatron validates these beliefs. Crowley is more Heavenly than these archangels who couldn't even recognize the voice of God when he was standing right in front of them.

The Metatron draws attention to the fact he's in a human body. The kind of body Aziraphale has been in and loved for nearly 6000 years. He then banishes the archangels, implying their morality is in a gray space, and validates Muriel someone we have seen Aziraphale react positively to and someone outside the current power structure. Look at me, he's saying. I see and validate the little guy.

He then tries to talk to Aziraphale. Aziraphale says "I've made my position quite clear." And then the Metatron offers Aziraphale the coffee. This bartering chip, consuming sustenance, is a thing that Aziraphale and Crowley have used as their connective tissue for centuries. It's an olive branch for them. It's giving Aziraphale bodily pleasure and the Metatron implies that he himself has partaken also - a thing we know that Aziraphale has struggled historically with moralizing. He is seen by the closest thing he has left to his parent and he is having old fears validated as safe and old habits being played upon to make him feel secure

He then REMOVES Aziraphale from his home terf. Not only does he remove Crowley from the equation but he takes Aziraphale from the place that has stood as a place of sanctuary throughout the entirety of the season. The shop is Safe and Aziraphale is leaving it and he is leaving the one person who might be able to smell the bullshit coming from the Metatron. The music notably turns absolutely dire here.

The next time we see them the Metatron tells Aziraphale that he doesn't need to answer instantly. He can take his time, if he likes. All the time he needs. And then tells him to go tell Crowley. Once again bringing Crowley in as a valid part of this while manufacturing a scenario where he can't possibly be.

Az ends up in a place where he's overwhelmed and confused and he wants so badly to believe what he's being told. It's an appealing thing from his perspective! He feels off kilter like he's made a mistake in judging the Metatron. He can't even fully articulate what happened to Crowley at first and he's had absolutely no real time to actually think it through. He's running on sheer reactive energy.

The Metatron starts their conversation by asking Aziraphale's opinion. Who should rule Heaven? This is once again playing into making Az feel validated and like he's a part of this decision making process. The Metatron corrects him, complimenting Aziraphale and making him feel capable and in control. He reassures Aziraphale's bafflement. And draws attention to some traits that, while true of Aziraphale around Crowley, are not his defining traits in the eyes of Heaven. You don't just tell people what they want to hear I find particularly notable in this regard given Aziraphale spent most of his time on earth actively lying to Heaven and doing just that. But it fits into the narrative Aziraphale has built around himself, especially post Apocalypse. The Metatron then says I need you (a phrase Az will use much more painfully here in a minute).

And even after all this Aziraphale says no. He says flat out he doesn't want to go back to Heaven. He says this!!! And then the Metatron sweetens the pot. He swaps tactics. Not once has this come up until Aziraphale pushes back against the idea. If the Metatron could've gotten him without using it I have no doubt he wouldn't have bothered with it. Come to Heaven and we can save Crowley. Aziraphale loves Crowley. Aziraphale thinks Crowley is better than any of the angels he's interacted with. Crowley is Good and Nice and Kind and always saving him and now he's being presented with a way to return that. He can Forgive Crowley - a thing Crowley has always presented to Aziraphale as something he struggles with. All of these things Aziraphale has watched Crowley react to in a way that belittles himself or distances them from one another. Of course he wouldn't consider that maybe what he was actually saying is "I'm unforgivable and I don't want that forgiveness."

The Metatron offers Aziraphale a Dream Offer for the pre Armageddon Aziraphale. You can keep your Crowley. You can heal him like you have always thought he deserved. You can have power and control the people who for your whole existence has beaten you down. It can go back to how it was but BETTER.

When Aziraphale leaves he still hasn't answered. He goes and has the conversation they have. It's intense and emotional and the Metatron comes in after the Moment all casual and asks how it goes, knowing fully well the shitstorm he had just set up to get created. And then he turns around and says "always did want to go his own way" which is not only true of Crowley but framed as a bad thing despite the fact that he has just spent twenty minutes or so telling Aziraphale that he's done his own thing and that is Good. He is playing both sides of this perspective as it suits him. And then he cuts down Crowley asking questions, pressuring Aziraphale to avoid doing the same. He then proceeds to ask Aziraphale not if he's made up his mind but if he's ready to get started. He is one by one closing off exit routes to this thing as Aziraphale starts to look more and more panicked and indecisive. He makes sure the bookshop is in good hands and asks Aziraphale if there's anything he needs to take with him. Letting Aziraphale have the illusion of choice while cutting down "I don't want to" as an option altogether.

And Az, as soon as the Metatron is out of shot, tries to express this. And then he falls back right on old coping methods. The Metatron pats him on the head. Reassures that he's the right one for this. That he is Good. That his particular skillset is needed here.

It is a masterstroke of manipulation. A very dark twist on what we see Crowley do time and time again with Aziraphale throughout the millennia. Familiar in a way that makes Aziraphale feel safe. Except this time this is being used to put him back in line. It's brilliant and painful and it fucking hurt and I need a season 3 to see the Metatron get what's coming to him stat.

In the midst of that amazing time in my life came the worst, and that was when my friends just started dropping dead. They were sick today and dead tomorrow. And when you would go to the hospital to look for you friend they would be out in the hallway on a gurney pushed up against a wall dying for help, dying for love, dying to be saved. And some of them with that sign on their gurney that said "do not touch". And they suffered, and people wanted to act like they weren't good people, kind people, wonderful people, somebody's son, somebody's daughter, somebody. // SHERYL LEE RALPH receiving the Human Rights Campaign's National Ally for Equality Award 2022. (x)

As a forever Roman girlie i COULD NOT be happier with the finale. He did it. He is - at least in an infinitesimal way - free.

If he wishes, which i'm pretty sure he does, he does not ever have to be in that fucking room with those fuckin business sharks in the same powerless way ever again.

He can finally choose what he wants, he is not stuck in the circle - or with the dog metaphor, the cage - anymore. and i personally LOVE that for him. Fuck Kendall. Fuck Logan and fuck everyone that made Rome feel like the dog in the cage, he can finally start fuckin healing and i really feel like he will this time.

I MEAN LOOK AT THAT DARLING OF A SMILE!!! MY GOD I LOVE HIM. HE HAS ALMOST ESCAPED THE CYCLE OF ABUSE!!! HES GETTING OUT!!! THE DOOR TO THE CAGE IS FINALLY OPEN HE JUST HAS TO LEAVE AND FUCK I HOPE HE DOES!!!

….unwell

this dog is never escaping that boot

on devotion

two, sleeping at last / everything everywhere all at once (2022), dir. dan kwan & daniel scheinert / kill your darlings (2013), dir. john krokidas / the chapter closes, critical role / twitter: jenny slate / episode 4, fleabag (2019) / euripides, anne carson / make you feel my love, adele / h of h, anne carson / the judge, bojack horseman (2017) / coffee and cigarettes, sade andria zabala / the chaos of stars, kiersten white / wild geese, mary oliver / mary on a cross, ghost / the art of fuckery, our flag means death (2022) / @/gayassnatural / the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, taylor jenkins reid / i will, mitski

Childhood? Which childhood? The one that didn’t last? The one in which you learned to be afraid …?

— Li-Young Lee, from “A Hymn to Childhood,” Ink Knows No Borders: Poems of the Immigrant and Refugee Experience

Blocking and reporting every single pornbot that follows me

feels right n good that the new year starts on a sunday. this entire year will have a sunday kind of love perhaps.... :0

i think philip made benoit his cloth mask 🥺

i love stories that are true to their names!!!! like the glass onion, i know the plot has many layers and blanc has to peel em back to solve the mystery and murder and stuff but even us as an audience get to experience the peeling so clearly like almost first hand. and! even hours after ive finished watching it, i'm still finding so many easter eggs and so many LAYERS!!!! its so FUN!!!

i love how we all took one look at hugh grant standing in blanc's doorway and immediately went 'oh yeah. homosexuality'

Glass Onion spoilers ahead! - long post

These parallels in the movie are so *chef’s kiss* ✨️

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what a combo these two make! ♥

I LOVE BEING ARO SO MUCH!!!!!! I WILL NEVER FEEL ROMANTIC ATTRACTION AND THATS BEAUTIFUL AND NATURAL AND SOMETHING I WILL WIELD AS A WEAPON AND A SHIELD AGAINST ANYONE WHO WOULD CHANGE ME OR ERASE ME!!!!!! REALIZING I AM ARO WAS ONE OF THE MOST JOYFUL AND FREEING AND ILLUMINATING EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EXUBERANCE AT LIVING WITHOUT THE NARROW SOCIETAL IDEA OF "LOVE" KNOWS NO BOUNDS AND I SEE BEAUTY IN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! MY LIFE OVERFLOWS WITH JOYFUL ABUNDANCE!!!!!!!! I AM BURSTING FOR AFFECTION WITH EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER BE "ALONE" (I WILL NEVER BE LONELY) BECAUSE I WILL MAKE FOR MYSELF A LIFE THAT SINGS AND SHINES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE LIVING A LOVELESS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THE SELF RELIANCE OF MY HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM INFINITE AND BOUNDLESS AND DEFY DESCRIPTION OR CATEGORIZATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM AROMANTIC!!!!!!!! ALL IS JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL IS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I want what she’s on.” The spectrum??