Asuna: That's It! Kirito, Promise To Visit Me In Prison, I'm Going To Kill Her Now.

what's the best way to calm down an angry but horny prince?

a few hours later..

there's nothing quite like the first playthrough of pillars of eternity. pillars of eternity is insane. now i don't know what your playthrough is like, but i know what my playthrough was like, and i hear it's pretty general

moving on past the wagon deal - you make some friends, they fucking die, suddenly you realize this game's got a whole different tone then the caravans and dragons on the cover - just walk with me through everything that happens after gilded vale.

the game's completely fucked with you so far. you've met a whole host of common fantasy characters. mean woman, snivelly dude, shady robed guy. you don't know what it's gonna throw at you next! there's a tree laden with corpses. you can read people's souls. everything's falling apart, and nobody seems to really mind that you're here.

you bump into some fucking elf twunk. this buff, tanned guy who likes hard liquor and goes like “euueueuueghh” and makes sounds I didn't think mouths could make. you love him immediately. you wanna kiss his stupid whiny twunk mouth. he's scottish sometimes, you don't know what the deal with that is - it's fantasy, it could be anything! he's this fucking stacked whimp, who's not even the snobbiest character in the series (but you don't know that, he doesn't tell you that, aloth doesn't have medium awareness), ride or die for you, and the next day, or a few days later if you misinterpret the dream as fantasy bullshit and wander around a few days, you run into some other guy. he's standing smoking his pipe, and he's macabre and wise and has this age about him only horrors incomprehensible can impart, and he's like “hope you enjoy this characterization while it last,” and says something about popular demanding meaning that characters were in places they shouldn't have been without much thought for personal motivation or depth, and his voice sounds a lot like the twunk, and maybe you realize it's the same fucking voice actor, matt fucking mercer, but either way, he's there, he's rugged, he's got a sword. he's a tragic hero, an aeneid tale stuck in the wrong genre, a man that wanted to live and love forced to persist and survive and watch others die, and you get a couple hours of that real good creamy center. mostly he just talks about animals. pretty fun.

so you go south, and you see this fucking shitty asshole by this statue, and if you're like me he opens his mouth and says some shit like “i see the flames... and the flames say that it she breathes, she's a thot,” and he tries talking to you, and you say “suck my paladin cock!” and walk away while he yells about women or whatever.

so it's you and your two weird friends. you walk around with these cousins in voice acting, the whiny twunk and the and world weary hunk. you kill some ghosts, maybe, take a little beach trip, maybe try fucking with the castle next door and get your shit rocked (not like thatd happen to me, yall be safe tho), and you're having fun, and you're like “ALRIGHT, imagined scenarios can only take me so far, I gotta progress in the story.” then you see this big green guy. like he's a big, green guy. you've never seen such degrees of bigness and greenness (probably)! and he has a hat! none of your friends have worn a hat at this point - maybe a hood, a cowl, but he's got a hat, and it's a nice hat, it suits him! so this big green guy wearing a hat opens his mouth and says “oh, jeez, you're probably wondering how i got into this situation,” and you're like “he’s a fucking dork!” you're like “whoa, sweet, this game is making commentary on the orthogonality of stature and jockness!” statements the game will continue to make all the way throughout it!

so you go into the creepy castle, you and your friends and this big green guy, and you fight some ghosts, some shades, some spectres, and this guy pulls out a fucking gun, and before you even have the chance to process that he's just toting a fucking .50 caliber arquebus, he fucking belts out

CRAEFT AFYLLATH FIR LIM!

and you never quite recover.

Jacegon kinda reminds me of bingqiu.

We have a king who would much rather be a trophy wife but is forced to be a womaniser instead. Later, becomes super sticky with the object of their affection and reaches true fulfilment once they don't have any responsibilities anymore and can just glue themselves to the love of their lives.

On the other hand, we have a long-suffering man who secretly enjoys their sticky, cry-baby boyfriend but acts like they are annoyed/embarrassed by them.

Truly peak ship dynamic.

Aemond and Lucerys relationship is the definition of "I hate you but I can't stop kissing you!"

Nobody can tell me otherwise

last tweet's source: this post

Best lucemond dynamic is pathetic, psycho loser Aemond and crazy bitch Lucerys. You can't change my mind!

Happy Valentine's Day, @frootloopsl :3