M/m Romance - Blog Posts

So I’m doing a short novel inspired by MDZS and other artwork. However I need some help to keep it together and respect the Xianxia genre while doing the same for the Chinese culture. If some ppl could help me on this please contact me on instagram: @itsjastyqbitch 😭🫶🏽

I’ve gotten a friend into A Stain and I cannot overstate how fast I texted her about this update!! Like I saw the post and my consciousness beamed directly into hers basically.

AND GODDAMN WHAT A CHAPTER

It nourished my soul ❤️

Stardew Valley - 57/? - A Stain that Won’t Dissolve - Alex/Sebastian

Title: A Stain that Won’t Dissolve Rating: Explicit Pairing: Alex/Sebastian Tags: Hurt/comfort, aged-up characters (mid 20s), minor character death, angst, injury, grief, miscommunication, bullying, enemies to lovers, dubious consent, internalised homophobia, closeted character, past child abuse, dyslexia, antagonist farmer, unrequited love, pining, acceptance, top!Sebastian, bottom!Alex, power dynamics, happy ending.

Summary: Alex hates Sebastian – which is great because Sebastian more than returns the favour – and what starts out as revenge fantasy turns into unironic lust, which evolves into unrequited love. Alex gets a job, Sebastian marries the farmer, and both of them lose almost everything before finding each other again. A story of two mutual bullies who learn how to messily grow up.

A Stain that Won’t Dissolve - Chapter 57 - End a Fight With Flowers

In which Sebastian finally gets Alex to talk to him, but not without some pressure first, and Alex reveals a lot more than he meant to. At the end of their conversation, Sebastian presents Alex with something unexpected.

The Villains Beast by Kate Hawthorne

Had a great time with this one. The spice was spicing, the angst was angsting. This is a bit of a dark read, definitely check the trigger/content warnings before you read, but I really enjoyed it and I didn’t want it to end. I wanted more time with alle the characters. I loved how their relationships developed and the different dynamics they all have with each other.

Have you read this one yet?

What is your fave mm dark romance?

Ok, so, about the Jayvik fic, I saw a quote from Bob Ross here on tumblr, where he was petting a little fawn and going: "This has to be one of the most gorgeous creatures God has ever made. I just want to take him home... and keep him as a pet. But that's not what he's meant to be. He's meant to be free."

And while this suggestion might be a bit unhinged (maybe? idk), I really love the idea of two people being conflicted about whether or not they should be together, because one (or both) of them feel like the other is "meant to be free", that "keeping the other" will make the other lose an important part of their self.

And just generally I think the quote has a lot of potential as a ship dynamic, even if it's more of a tragic love story.

This would be a bit more angst, sure, but also a comforting option.

I think this fandom thrives on angst. We should give it some comfort too, then, don't ya think?

I'll see what I can do! Thank you!

Alright i got a fic idea if you want!

Imagine viktor working late and sleeping in the lab and jayce joining him

(Not sure if you'd rather it be sfw or not but both could work with this start i think ^^)

That sounds incredibly cute! I think this could be a nice little thing to do. Especially since our boy is overworked.

I can just imagine Jayce taking a little care of him and staying there with him while perhaps being a bit anxious about having left him alone the whole day and all, and just feeling viktor shift on him, which pulls him back out of those thoughts and has him smile.

I do prefer sfw works as long as I am writing fanfiction. At least here, cause i do not know much about Viktor's.. seggsual activities, and i like to portray the characters in ways i know them well.

While certainly he's old enough, and we have seen Jayce be nsfw, the show not being against it, i just like to stay on the safe side with this one. ^^

I would love to see a fic that takes place after the end of the series where Jayce is an amputee after breaking his leg and it being so infected. And is also suffering from PTSD and nerve damage in his back from the chainsaw.

Either trying to hide it or downplay how it affects him because he thinks it’s not valid compared to Victor’s pain or something else angsty. But when it flares up badly he can’t move or hide it anymore and Viktor takes care of him.

I love both of them but I feel like there are very few disability centric fics where Jayce’s disabilities are focused on.

I love how you bring that up! Obviously, since he only did a makeshift brace on his leg after cracking the bone into place, we can imagine it did not heal well and stayed a while.

I can do a bit of research (writing down the injuries and stuff about the pains and disabilities of it) and add it into a kind of hurt/comfort, caretaker type of story!

So Viktor is alive and there with Jayce in the hospital, then, in this fic?

I can imagine some good things with this.

If I write this soon, or whenever i do, I will post about it! Thank you!!

Random Song Lyric Prompts!

~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~♡~~》

◇ If I leave my grin behind, remind me that we're all mad here, and it's okay. - Cheshire Kitten by S.J. Tucker

◇ Heavy is the crown that's always hidden - Cheshire Kitten by S.J. Tucker

◇ And I'll sing silence, and ask my glass of wine for guidance - Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious by The Amazing Devil

◇ Let it set down roots where there was once a spine - Shame On Me by Catch Your Breath

◇ My stubbornness will put up a fight. But I don't deserve to win it. - Liar by The Arcadian Wild

◇ So what's it all supposed to do? The fire eats fire and the fire's in you. - Fire With Fire by AlicebanD

◇ I thought that fire with fire would burn the problem quicker.. But all this good advice, his hair just grows back thicker! - Fire With Fire by AlicebanD

◇ I long to imagine a change, but my heart is frozen by the winter rain. - Winter Rain by Sick Century

◇ Letting go of high hopes that just died - Safe and Sound by Point North ft. The Ghost Inside

I just decided to also serve as a prompt maker, as really, I might need ideas but, for others, I often prove to be helpful. SO, requests are open! I'll post now and then, notes and prompts and writing help, for myself and others. Join in if you'd like!

can u write some javey please!!!!

Good luck charm ( short oneshot)

Notes: this is set after the strike, when davey has gone back to school. This can be read as any of the versions 🙈 I'm not too big of a fan of this fic, so I may rewite it soon, lmk what u think 🩷

It was quiet in the Jacobs household, peaceful even, Esther was in the kitchen happily cooking, mayer was sat silently in the kitchen reading the new edition , Sarah was delicately sewing up an old shirt that had been ripped and les was playing nicely in his room. The family were happy, the comfortable silence soothed them all as they basked in its hypnotic sense of calmness. You could hear a pin drop as the warm evening sun shone through the window, leaving the sedative family very pleased with life. However, the Jacobs household never stayed quiet for long...

"Mama, papa guess what!' Davey announced running into the room, he was sweating perfuesly which told his startled parents that he had ran all the way from school.

Ethster jumped at the sudden sound echoing through the previously peaceful house, making her drop the pan she was holding to the floor with a bang. She cursed under her breath and picked it up.

"David, how many times have I told you to not bound into here like a bull in a China shop?" She accused angrily.

"I'm sorry, Mama, it's just that -" He was practically beaming with exitment, his eyes had a certain spark to them, which made his exited face light up to the next level.

"No, I don't want to hear it." She interrupted, she became quiet for a few seconds as if trying to find the right argument, "just... go to your room." She sighed.

That spark in Daveys eyes had dissipated , leaving an unpleasant aura of tension and melancholy in the air of the once comfortable household. Slowly, he turned and sulked into his room.

"Come on, you didn't need to be so harsh." Mayer said quietly.

"Yes I did, the boy needs to learn how to regulate himself like an adult." Esther snapped.

"But he's not an adult honey, he's a child."

"And he will be forever if we dont teach him otherwise."

Mayer sighed in defeat and turned back to his paper.

Davey was sat on his bed, with the palms of his hands pressed against his eyes so that he could see colourful little circles. It seemed to be the only colour in his life right now. His chest tightened as he replayed the embarassing memory of his outburst through his head, forcefully acknowledging his wrongdoing and creating self promises to never do it again. He heard a knock at the window, and he looked up to be met with the eyes of Jack. He walled over and opened his bedroom window.

"Heya dave." Jack said climbing through the window.

"hi." Davey replied sheepishly.

"Whats da matta?" Jack asked wairely

"Nothing."

"Ise know youse lying."

"I know when YOU'RE lying." Davey corrected

"But Ise aint lied 'bout anythin." Jack looked puzzled

"No, I meant that you needed to fix your grammar." Davey gave a small smile now.

Jack chuckled softly and punched him in the arm.

" Yeah ise will get right on that, but seriously, what's eatin at ya?"

"Well at school about a week ago, my teacher told me that next time at debate a woman from the national team would be there, and she would basically come to scout out who she thinks would be fit for nationals, and they picked me and said that they want me to represent them on their team so i-" davey ran out of breathe and cut himself off.

Jack only smirked as Daveys heavy breathing continued.

"Wow, davey ise don't knows much about debate, but that sounds amazin'."

Once Davey had regained his breathe he replied.

"Yeah, it is. If i win, then I get a fully paid scholarship to a private grammar school." Davey beamed, the magical spark in his eyes being reignited by Jack.

"That's great, so whys was youse so upset about it?" Jack asked, following Davey to sit next to him on the bed. Davey remained silent ( for the first time ever). After a minute, he spoke.

"Do you think I'm too much?, like are my emotions too much for you?" Daveys tone saddened, as did the overall mood.

"Naw not at all, youse get very excited about a lot of things, but that ain't bad." Jack said gently.

"Because earlier I was really excited to tell my family about what happened and when I tried my mama yelled at me and said I need to calm down and regulate myself." Davey mumbled. Jack scooted closer to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, Davey leaned into him.

"Well ise think it's a good thing, not everybody has the same passion for everything that youse do." Davey nodded sadly and sunk deeper into Jack's embrace.

"So what is debate anyways?" Jack asked cheerfully.

"Well it's basically like a fight, a verbal fight obviously, but not an actual fight because its structured and you have a limited amount of time, so the proposition have to pass the motion that they have been given by the judge by basically talking alot and as fast as they can-"

"Youse will win easy then, no competition there." Jack teased. Davey smacked him on the leg and giggled. Jack was relieved to see Davey smiling again. He wasn't used to Davey being so glum. He believed that spark In his eyes was perminent. He had never seen it extinguished before.

"Carry on ise listening."

"Carry on IM listening." Jack made michevious eye contact with Davey before grabbing his pillow off the bed and gently smacking him with it. Davey cackled hysterically.

"Jack, stop!" He giggled, trying to grab the pillow.

"If youse promise to nevers correct mys grammars again!" Jack stopped to let Davey answer.

"If YOU promise to never correct-" Davey was cut off by Jack tackling him into the bed as they began to play-wrestle and laugh.

Jack was used to rough housing with his fellow newsies, newsies play fought all the time. They were very tough and thick skinned from having to live on the streets. However, when it came to Davey, Jack was extremely gentle with it, always making sure to never hurt the other boy.

"Um, Davey?' Mayer had appeared at the doorway looking inquisitive as he watched his son and his friend snicker wildly whilst rolling around on the bed.

"OH um hi dad..." Davey quickly sat up, his face flushed.

"I wanted to see if you were alright, but I'm guessing Jack already did that." The older man smiled.

"Yes sir." Jack said proudly.

"Welll then, dinners ready, and Jack's welcome to stay if he likes."

"Thank youse sir."

"Thank YOU sir."

Jack tacked Davey to the floor, and they began to roll around, trying to trap each other and get the upper hand. Mayer only smiled and rolled his eyes before walking back into the dining room.

Later on that night, Jack was soundly asleep snuggled up in Daveys bed, whilst Davey sat at his desk trying to write his debate speech.

"hi sweetheart." Ethster said standing next to him. Davey didn't answer, he didn't even look at her.

"Listen, I'm sorry for shouting at you, didn't mean it, sometimes I just find it so hard to adjust to your emotions and I know that's not your fault and I need to work on it."

"It's fine." Davey said dryly.

There was an awkward silence. Esther stuttered a few times but couldn't seem to find the right words before getting up and leaving. At that moment Davey felt so alone, so he climbed into bed with Jack and as soon as his body hit the soft mattress, Jack's arms were pulling him closer and rubbing up and down the length of his back. Now, Davey had never felt less alone as he embedded himself into Jack's warmth. Electric shocks, zapping into his nerves with every touch to his body.

Two weeks had gone by, and Daveys master status had become, completely and utterly stressed. He was trying his hardest to write this damn debate speech, and yet nothing he wrote seemed to sound the way he wanted it to. He had been sitting at his desk for almost 7 hours, and his brain felt so frazzled that the words looked as if they were swimming. His eyes were so heavy that they physically hurt to keep open, every inch of his body begged for the kind mercy of sleep whilst his mind slowly shut down.

"Geez davey, youse look terrible." Davey didn't even need to look to see who it was.

"Go away." He said, covering his face with his hands, propped up by his elbows on the table.

"When's the last time ya slept?" Jack asked, eyeing the stacks of disregarded, crumpled up papers next to the desk.

Davey only groaned in response.

"Come on ya need to get to bed."

"No"

"Davey, do not fights with me right now."

Davey shook his head, Jack sighed and sat on the table, his legs dangling next to the chair where davey was sat. Jack began to card his fingers through Daveys hair, lightly scratching from time to time or swiling his finger around in a messy curl.

"stop im going to fall asleep." Davey yawned.

"Don't fight it Dave."

Davey remained stubborn, fighting the sleeping spell that Jack's fingers were putting on him. Jack sighed, god he loved this boy but he could be so damn stubborn.

Jack changed his tactic to just scratching, davey made a sleepy noise of protest and began to lean into the peaceful touch. Not giving him time to think, he lifted davey out of his seat and quickly lay them both down on the bed, Daveys head resting on Jack's chest.

"No- I need i-"

"Shhhhhh." Jack began tracing up and down Daveys back, Daveys exhausted eyes finally closed, and he snuggled deeper into Jack's hold.

"I've been trying to do that for hours." Mayer whispered into the room. Jack only smiled and closed his eyes too.

It was the big day of the debate, and Davey was panicking. He had arrived early to the event and had brought three extra copies of his speech in case he somehow lost the original one and was also slowly forgetting how to breathe.

He was pacing around the backstage area, running over the speech in his head. He left a reassuring hand on his shoulder, his first thought was Jack, however he wasn't disappointed to see his father -like him- dressed in his best and smiling from ear to ear.

"Don't worry, Davey, you will be fine." Mayer assured.

"Yeah, you'll be great!" Sarah smiled wildly.

"Come on, let's go find out seats, Goodluck we are so proud of you." His father pulled him into a quick hug before leaving. Revealing his mother apparently hiding behind him the whole time.

"Davey, baby, I am so sorry for ever making you feel like your passion and love for things was a problem, it was really my problem the whole time and I never want you to change ever." She pulled him into a big hug.

"It's okay mama." Davey said sincerely.

"Thank you, baby. I am so proud of you no matter what happens tonight. Good luck." She kissed him on the cheek and left.

He heard the announcers call his team up, and he walked on stage. He sat with his team members and was relieved to remember he was the second, not the first speaker. The first round did not go favourably for his team. The first speaker stuttered so hard that they missed half of their speech, and they kept taking on questions they didn't know how to answer.

"Please welcome, proposition, speaker 2." The judge called.

Davey stood up and prepared his speech. He looked into the crowd and felt his stomach do summersaults. The crowd went blurry as he felt hundreds of eyes digging into him. His breathing quickened as the hands holding his paper began to shake as the clapping bounced around his brain and all he could think was 'I can't do this'.

Somehow in the crowd of faces he could only make out one of them, and it was Jack's who mouthed, 'just breathe'. And so he did, he steadied his breathing and began to read, he read flawlessly and without stuttering. His unprotected time proved not to be a bother due to the opposition not being able to think of an argument, the longer he spoke the more confident he got. And before he knew it, it was over.

His new gained confidence proved useful as he was now able to rebuttle the oppositions final speaker as he scribbled down new arguments for the conclusionist once they counted the jury's votes. Davey held his breath and felt his heart pounding in his chest yet again.

"I declare this motion...carried." The judge announced. And daveys bloodstream turned into pure joy. His veins carried nothing but exitment and happiness around his body as he hugged his teammates and couldn't seem to wipe a stupid smile off his face.

He ran around the back of the audience to his family, who all excitedly greeted him and hugged him tightly. Once, they had been beckoned away to talk to the grammar schools principle who was seemingly very impressed, he finally turned his attention to Jack.

"Ise don't really understands much of what youse said, but it sounded good."

Davey giddyly hugged him and looked up at him, the spark in his eyes shining brighter than ever before.

"Ise mean it must've been good if youse won."

"Or maybe you're just my goodluck charm."

At this davey pulled him into a deep and passionate kiss, he was always told that his passion was too much, however in this moment it felt just right.

Could you do a fic that’s an enemies to lovers with sprace please

Thank you!

(つ°ヮ°)つ

I absolutely can. That frick ass keyboard emoji has me in tears, btw 😭 (if you want to read this as livesies characters, just skip over the descriptions because it can be read as both 🙃)

Tw: curse words, mild violence

Passion (oneshot)

January 7th 1997

It was like any other day. The sun was bashfully hiding behind the clouds, the cool yet fierce breeze streamed through the air and hit the bare neck of Racetrack Higgins. It sent goosebumps jumping all over his pale skin, he shivered, yet it did not shake the easy smile embedded into his cheeks. It was that easy smile that eased people. Most seemed to enjoy seeing the seemingly kind gesture perminantly written across his. It made people relax, trusting and open. That was dangerous in the newsie world, you should never let your guard down for anyone was the first thing you learnt, however the corners of that smile seemed to find a way to pry open any locked doors. That smile was dangerous.

Racetrack had taken his usual route to sheepshed by using his witty charm to aquire a ride in the back of a wagon. He hopped off the wagon and ran a hand through his thick,dark hair, messy from the wind, and waltzed to the door, pulling out a cigar and placed it between his lips. He wasn't sure why he could feel eyes on the back of his head.

"Mornin' Betty." Race said, tipping his hat, to the middle-aged betting woman sitting at the front desk.

"Morning Racetrack, keeping out of trouble, I hope." She added, noticing Races cigar, which was far more money than he had ever made.

"Youse knows me Betty, neva lookin' for trouble." He replied, taking it out of his mouth.

"What's the headline today?" The older woman asked, clearly amused by the young boy.

"Tragdey strikes, house fire in Queens kills entire family." His voice sounded sympathetic, but the glint in his eyes told a different story. She shook her head and flicked him a nickel.

"For my best and prettiest customer." He handed her the newspaper, flashing her that easy smile. She blushed and quickly buried her nose in it, trying to hide her reddening face.

"See ya later, miss." Race called smugly, walking into the arena.

The interaction was completely normal, so why did Race feel so awkward. There was something in the air following him, but he couldn't quite place what it was.

That feeling never quite went away. He sold his papes as normal, hawking the headline the best he could to attract buyers. Making sure to be extra charming to the richer boxes. It was an average day, so why couldn't he stop glancing over his shoulder every time he had a second spare.

He had sold out of papers by just before dinner when that presence stopped him in his tracks. He was halfway to brooklyn Bridge when that feeling had taken over his body and forced him to a halt.

"What do youse think youse doin'." A cold voice came from behind him. He turned to be greeted by a pale, scrawny boy about three inches taller than he was and dirty blonde hair barely peaking from behind his cap. Race didn't notice this, though, because he was focused on the eyes. They were a pale blue with a gaze so sharp that it could cut him in half. They peirced into his soul and put a funny feeling in his stomach.

"Ise walkin' home, if youse lookin' to buy a pape Ise all out." Race announced confidently.

"Youse real funny," the boy scoffed and moved closer, "who are youse? And why is youse on my turf" He balled his fists and straightened his back to appear taller.

"The names Racetrack Higgins, what's it to ya?" Race lit his cigar and took a long drag, blowing the smoke directly into the other boys face.

"I ain't gonna ask you again." He growled, something about race just infuriated him, the way he strolled around so arrogant and careless, the way he stood their smoking and looking completely unthreatened as he was being interrogated. Spot hated it. He hated him.

"Ise walking home after sellin' my papes for the day, who are youse anyway?" Race asked seemingly, still unthreatened.

Spot smirked. This is where he catches race out, make him tremble at the social superior in front of him.

"Spot, Spot Conlon." You could hear the smugness drenching the words, spot waited for the panicked expression he was used too seeing, he expected his eyes to widen comically large, for his hand to tremble and his knees to go weak. However, none of that happened. The only noticeable change was a large, easy smile spreading like butter across his face.

Spot had NEVER felt such pure rage in his life, his face turned to stone and all he wanted to do was punch that smile off his face.

"Ah now youse the famous spot conlon ise heard so much about." Race chuckled, looking spot up and down.

Spot grunted.

"Ise gotta say, ise thought you'd be taller -" Race was cut off guard by spot shoving him, he fell backwards with a thud. Spot walked over to where Race was now sitting, not yet satisfied with what he had done. He expected the other boy to cry. That's how this normally went. However, when he peered down and he met Races big chocolate brown eyes gazing up at him yet the same stupid smile remained on his face. Spot could see red.

"Wow, that really hit a nerve, huh?" Race chucked, standing back up.

"I want youse out of brooklyn and don't eva come back." Spots voice was dangerously low

"Listen spotty-" Spot grabbed race by the shirt and yanked him closer.

"What the fuck did youse just call me?" He yelled.

"Spotty." Race bit back an egar smile.

"Call me that again and I'll soak ya so fucking bad youse won't be able to walk again." Spot could physically feel his blood boil.

There was a brief pause. The angry red aura around Spot was practically visible, and race looked as if he was fighting back giggles.

"Spotty." Race quickly said before aggressively kicking Spot in the knee, and watching a surprised yelp escape his lips as he collapsed to the floor on his hands and knees, releasing Races shirt. Moments after his hands and knees connected with the dusty floor, he looked back up. His already cold eyes had turned to ice, and his face had flushed with anger. He looked like a bull ready to charge and Race only had one thought.

Oh shit.

Race turned around and bolted as fast as he could towards the bridge, spot chased after him for a while as if Race was waving a red flag at him. However, it was quickly discovered that race was faster than spot by a lot. Spot came to a sweaty halt when he realised he could no longer make races figure out infront of him, so he panted heavily and wiped the sweat from his brow as he turned around for the treck back to the lodging house.

That night was spent tossing and turning, spot writhed in fury as his mind became engulfed by violent fantasies of what would happen the next time the two crossed paths. He couldn't get it out of his mind. He was riled up and irritated far more than he ever had been from a know-it-all rebellious newsie. He wasn't sure why Race wasn't scared of him or what business he had being so irritating. But he knew one thing for sure. He fucking hated Racetrack Higgins.

February 5th 1997

There had not been a day where Spot had not thought about Race. That interaction had consumed his brain, and he replayed it with all the different possible outcomes and responses that would have wiped that bitch-ass smile right off races face. Something about race made him unforgettable. It was aggravating, honestly. No matter how hard he tried to force the thought of him out, they simply would not leave. A boy that he had met once, and would never see again, was taking up this much time in his already overworked brain. Spot knew he had anger issues but far worse had bothered him far less.

"Hey boss- just got word in that a 'hattan newsie sellin' on our terf, sheepshed. I think they said it was." Hotshot said, stadning right in front of the zoned out leader

Spot snapped out of his thoughts at the word sheepshed. He felt his blood circulation move twice as fast as it was before. His heart began to pound at an alarming rate, and he almost felt giddy. The exitment of getting to play out those lesson teaching fantasies was almost too much.

"Boss?" Hotshot asked gingerly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Uh yeah, leave it with me." Spot beamed, and he stood up and raced to sheepshed as fast as he could, leaving hotshot with a very inquisitive look on his face.

The entire way there, spot could not believe how worked up he was getting, despite the cold weather, he was sweating perfuesly, and although he didn't know it, a rare glint was swimming in his ocean-blue eyes. He had never felt hate like this before, it was new and scary.

"Well, look what we have here." Spot smirked when he was about a foot away from Race, when he turned around, Spots' heart began to bang chaotically around his rib cage.

"Hey spotty, miss me did ya?" The smile that had been haunting spots dreams for weeks was now right infront of him.

"Youse an idiot, ya know that right?" Grumbled spot.

"Yeah ise been told." Race chuckled

"What ya doin' back on my turf?"

"In my defense ise neva really left."

Spot grabbed him by the suspenders in a fit of rage and dragged him all the way out of sheepshed to a nearby alley and shoved him up against the wall.

"At least buy me a drink first spotty-" Race was cut off by Spots fist connecting with his right cheek. He yelped in pain, as the knuckles, released agony into his skin. His skin screamed out to him, and he flew to the floor.

"You shoulda listened to me ya scab." Spot hissed as he siezed races collar and yanked him up. He expected a whitty reply or an easy smile, but instead, he got something wag worse. Race was uncharacteristically quiet. He curled up on himself, and his usually bright,brown eyes seemed drained. He opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out was a quiet whimper.

Spot had imagined this far too many times in his head, how he would beat an apology out of race and make him sorry for showing him up like that. He thought it would be the most relieving feeling ever, but it turns out he was wrong. It didn't bring him the excitement he thought it would. He didn't feel any better. He waited for his hate to overtake him so he could finish the job. However, the longer he stared at races, melancholy, already bruising face, the more guilty he felt.

"Go." He whispered and released his grip. Without another word, Race sped off round the corner whilst spot sank to the floor with his head in his hands. Fuck. What was going on? He had his enemy defenceless and at his mercy, and he just let him go? What was wrong with him? He had never felt hate towards anyone quite like race, and yet seeing Race so helpless just broke something inside of him.

"What are ya doin' to me race..."

April 18th 1897

Races kicked puppy-like face haunted Spots dreams, it made his chest tighten as he released long breathes trying to move the anxiety out of his body. He decided, that on this random April night, he was going to go make emense with his enemy because it was slowly draining the life out of him. The regret and indignation in the air made it poisonous, it hurt to breathe it in. He needed Race like he needed air. It physically hurt to not be around his charming aroma.

Once he had come to the manhattan lodging house, he went to knock, but his hand froze awkwardly in the air.

"Umm, do ya need somethin'?" A kid with a Crutch asked wariely from behind him.

"Im-uh-can youse go get race for me, please?" Spot stuttered for the first time in his life.

The boy nodded and hobbled inside, and moments later, race appeared at the door. His eye was now completely healed. His dark hair was even longer now, and his eyes had gained back their mischievous spark that spot had knocked out of him prior.

"What ya doin' here?" Race asked, clearly surprised.

"Ise came to- Ise wanted to-..." Spot trailed off. He had never apologised for anything.

"Ise wanted to say - Ise sorry." Spot said the last two words extremely quickly.

"What did ya say Ise didn't catch that."

"Ise sorry race."

"One more time for me?'

"Ise said ise-" He could see race repressing giggles, "youse doin' that on purpose!"

That famous, easy smile made its way across races face. Spot felt his stomach flutter.

"It's okay spotty." Race cackled.

"Does that means youse forgive me?" Spot added sheepishly.

"Hm." Race thought for a moment, "no."

Spot began to protest before race cut him off.

"But I will if you let me show you a good time round 'hattan."

Spot wasn't even sure how it happened, but a few minutes later, he was blindly following race into a dingy alley a few blocks from the lodging house. In this alley was a group of grown men sitting in a circle playing poker, with a pile of money place in the middle of the board. The one furthest looked up.

"Hey kid." He greeted

"Deal me in, boys." Race grinned and joined the circle

The round was intense, the group of men obviously very good poker players. However, no matter how much experience, Nobody was better than Racetrack Higgins. Spot watched egarly as the men became more and more frustrated. At the end of the game -the jackpot- they all slowly turned over their cards to reveal the winner. All the men groaned as Race cheekily smiled and collected his winnings.

"See ya next time, boys." Race beamed as he and spot walked a healthy distance from the alley.

"That was incredible, youse a damn good poker player."

Race laughed.

"Yeah maybe...or maybe youse could say I had an ace up my sleeve." He pulled his sleeve down the reveal the eighth of diamonds.

"Youse cheated!" Spot laughed in shock.

"I neva leave home without it, its my lucky card." Race winked and slid it back into his pocket. Spot was so impressed he couldn't even be mad, he had never met anybody like racetrack.

"so whaddare ya gonna do with the money." Spot asked.

"Youse will see. Come on." He grabbed one of spots red suspends and pulled him down the street until they faced a local corner shop.

"Hey Andy." Race chirped as he walked into the store.

"Hey Simon, how's it goin'?" The older man asked from behind the register.

"Simon." Spot whispered into races ear which earned him a kick to the foot.

"It's goin' swell thanks, how's the kids?"

"They're doin' great, how's that girlfriend of yours?"

"That's actually why Ise came in, wes engaged." Race said merrily.

What? Spot was so confused and couldn't even begin to imagine where Race was going with this. He just stood there star-struck.

"Congraduations, what might you want for this special occasion."

"Erm, a bottle of whisky please if youse has any."

The man turned around and began routing through his cabinets. Race was insaine. He was a genius, but he was still insaine.

"Ugh, mortgages are so hard, aren't they Eugene?" Race asked, making eye contact with spot.

"Um yeah, they're a real pain in the ass." Spot replied, biting his tongue to keep back the laughter bubbling in his throat .

The man finally pulled out a bottle, race gave him the winnings and waved him goodbye as they reached the street.

As soon as they were out, the boys broke into hysterical fits of laughter.

"What even is a mortgage?" Race huffed out between giggles. They continued to cackle as they walked to a bench and opened the bottle.

"How old did you tell him you were?" Spot chuckled.

"Thirty seven."

That was it. The boys dissolved back into frantic laughter, and neither seemed to be able to stop. Spot was never like this with anyone, he had walls built so high you'd need a ladder to see over them, yet here he was with his supposed enemy giggling like a child and having the best time of his life.

Race began chugging the liquid before making a scrunched up face and handing it over to spot. The two boys sat there for hours just talking and swigging the bottle like water. Spot had never chatted like this to anyone, and -he blamed it on the drink- but he couldn't seem to stop smiling.

"So Ise said no silly Mr police horse youse dont-." Race drunkenly slurred before being cut off by a flash light being shone right into his face.

"What are you kids doing?" An angry looking copper asked curiously, his eyes fell to the bottle, then to the young faces. Without even speaking, race and spot ran as fast as they could, race having to slow down so that spot could keep up. They drunkenly swerved around, giggling manically as they ran into things. They came across a small fence to which their intoxicated brains decided to climb. Once they had reached the top, both boys fell and landed on their back next to each other.

They looked at each other and exploded into yet another fit of psychotic laughter. Once they had calmed down they turned their heads to face eachother again, spot felt as if he could fall right into races dark eyes and never return. Something about them was so inviting and compelling. He couldn't look away.

Without thinking, he placed a soft kiss into races' lips. When he pulled back, he was terrified for the repercussions, when the easy smile that he loved so dearly appeared on his face he knew he made the right decision.

"Youse knows spotty I almost forgives you for punchin' me in ta face."

"Shaddup."

8th August 1997

Spot was sat on brooklyn Harbour, his legs dangling over the water as he looked beyond the horizon. He felt a presence sit beside him, and he looked over to see none other than Racetrack Higgins.

"Watcha lookin' at?" Race smiled

"The water, its pretty."

"Naw Ise don't think so. There's too many fishes." Race shivered

"What are youse scared of fish?" Spot teased

"Ise not scared of fish I just don't likes them." Race corrected.

Spot began to snicker and race smacked him round the back of the head.

"How can youse be scared of fish, theys so small."

"So are youse, but youse still seems to have everybody scared." Race grinned nervously.

"Naw that's it." He lugged race up and over his shoulder as he began to pretend throw him in the water.

"Ah-conlon-dont you- spotty- please!" Race sounded concerned, but the nervous giggles were throwing off his reliability.

Spot put him down but kept him hovering over the water.

"One wrong move, and the fishes will get ya." Spot joked

Terrified cackles left races body as he clung desperately to the hand holding his shirt, which was the only thing anchoring him to land.

"Agree that ise taller than youse and ill let ya up."

"Fine, youse taller than me!" Race choaked out.

Spot pulled him up and wrapped his arms around races waist, pulling him close.

"Ise don't know how ise eva hated youse so much." Spot said dreamily staring at race with love sick eyes.

"Now spotty that wasn't hate," Race gave an easy smile, "baby that was passion."